Tuesday, April 28, 2009

...if I could only remember...

You know, it is just the thing that when you have a dream, you never can seem to remember it. But with some, there is that lasting memory of a few fragments of the dream. I wish I could relate to you how amazing the dream was, but I can't even remember. What I have been left with is this:

Imagine looking out across a lake, and watching as magnificent and terrifying, illuminating and intimidating bolts of lightning strike far in the distance; then closer, and closer until the lightning seems to consume you. At the same moment, you hold the one you love, yet who you do not know, close; not fearing death, but finding a kind of bliss in a moment that is like eternity.
From this fragment, come with me, if you will, to an alien and yet fully inviting and enchanting night sky to rival any you have seen in your past. You gaze upon the stars only to see an earth-like moon patterning itself across the sky ever smaller into infinity as if all around us were other Earths, and at this moment we were all in line with one another. After a moment of being in complete awe, you rush to find some means to capture this moment only to find that when you have the means, the spell is broken and the beauty no longer remains.

I am no interpreter, and maybe my Dad would not like this to be interpreted, just experienced. But I will take my stab at it. I first of all cannot find a connection with the two strait away, except one that I unfortunately do not feel I can share here. With the first, I see my desire and fear of and for a true relationship. Few things can put the terror and wonder in a heart like that of lightning striking extremely near to you. The flash engulfs you and the thunder consumes you. However, at times this is part of what I have felt in my fragmented relationships, and perhaps the explanation of the imagery of my dream. With the second, I see related my frustration in sharing the beauty I see in the world. Not all the time, but when I am paying attention I always see it; however, it is so difficult to share it. With the physical world around me it is hard enough. But how do I share the heart of a foreign people I fell in love with? How do I share relationships in a way that people can make it there own, just as one can do with a masterful piece of art? And what about those special relationships that only you understand, and you can't even say how you understand it?
How can you give the ability to understand what is most wonderful?

3 comments:

  1. I like this. I especially like how you connect the fact of how difficult it is to communicate the emotional remnants we are left with from dreams to the difficulty of communicating the tangible, yet transcendent, qualities we experience with the people around us and the physical world we encounter. It often is a very similar confusion. "It felt so vivid; so powerful!" and yet unless they experience it as well, they won't understand!

    I know that's not exactly what you were articulating, but I saw that in your anecdote and could relate.

    :)

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  2. That is the heart of what I was trying to share, but I do have to confess that I withheld some info on the dream in order to keep another, and probably deeper, aspect of my understanding of this particular dream. We Should chat sometime. :)

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  3. dayum! this is beautiful!

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