Journaling

From time to time, it seems beneficial to look back through my journal to see what all I wrote about in my life, and it seems that I skip a lot. As this blog will likely show over time, I usually only write when I'm overly emotional. Fortunately for you, that isn't today, however I wanted to share a little bit from my journal and thereby you will hear from my life.

I was at first thinking of sharing on my years of problems with the female gender, but I think I would rather share on some of my positive experiences. Namely, Africa. It's a wonderful place if you haven't heard, at least where I was at. But that is of course an opinion, and you can make your own judgments if you visit someday. I'm going to give you two excerpts from my time there.

7/12/07 10:30 P.M

...Everywhere we go, I notice that people are always very thankful to have us. Especially when we teach, people talk about how much we have changed them through our teaching. Even Chanda says that what we have taught and the things we have done has changed his life forever. God, it is so crazy to see the impact that we have been able to have. I know that it isn't because of what we are capable of doing, but because of what you are doing. God, you have been here with us so wonderfully, helping us, guiding us, loving us. This summer would have been horrible if it hadn't been for you. Thank you for helping our team. Thank you for helping me. Thank you for growing my faith...I want to be more thankful to you than worried about my problems. I love you

7/19/07 6:20 AM

Well Father, it's another day but not like any other. We are on our way back from Mansa, and personally I am very sad. We are leaving all the friends we made in the past weeks [and having a short vacation]...and in 6 days we are leaving Zambia. I can't believe we have already left Mansa. Before, I didn't think that it had set in that I was in Africa, now I don't think it has set in that we are leaving. But from now on, it isn't going to be anything the same.

How it was different, especially at first, but even to this day I sometimes still notice. I don't know how to express the joy and fulfillment I felt when I was there. Let it just be said that I saw God more clearly then than I had ever before or have since. Not that things were perfect between the two of us, but I think in those times I pursued God's will much more diligently, and it's sad I don't still pursue Him as closely now. I pray often though that I will, because it is at those times that God used me the most as well, and that is when I feel fulfilled. That is when I am completly suffused with the joy that only comes from Him. I hope you too will see the heart of what I felt, and maybe seek to be in His will more closely every day. I will be doing the same.

In Him,
마태